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In the previous post, I talked about how the mind should
protect the heart from doubts. This is important during times that require us
to believe in ourselves or when we need faith in situations that seem bleak. It
is easy for the mind to embrace the doubts that cripple the heart, and this
often leads to self-defeat before we ever had a chance to succeed.
That being said, there
are times when the heart is wrong.
Many times our mind knows
the truth whereas our heart may believe
something entirely different. When the heart is right, it is up to the mind to
change. Unfortunately, when the heart is wrong, changing can be a much bigger
task than changing the mind.
I was talking to someone about how important our feelings
are. Her response to feelings is usually that she does not trust them because
she knows they are not reliable and sometimes irrational. Usually our
irrational feelings are tied to insecurity—feelings of low self-worth like when
someone forgets to say, “Happy birthday,” or feelings of self-hatred when you
make a small mistake like drop your keys when you’re rushing out the door. These
intense feelings do not match the reality of the situation, and our mind looks
at the heart and says, “This situation does not warrant these feelings.”
What do we do when we have irrational feelings that do not
line up with our common sense? Ignore them? Wallow? Shove them in a box? One
thing is for certain, the feelings of our heart can be as easy to control as a
two-year-old toddler throwing a tantrum over a candy bar at the mini-mart. Control is only a temporary fix anyway
as we still have the problem of chronic, irrational feelings.
The first thing we can do is learn how to treat our heart with respect. Do not
ignore these feelings that well up inside of us. I once told a friend, “I see feelings
as a temperature gauge. They tell me when I need to examine my heart.” When my
heart is peaceful, my sense of security is high. When my heart is anxious and
hostile, my sense of security has been threatened. Usually when this happens,
it is related to my self-worth: fear of failure, fear of not being good enough…etc.
The important thing to remember is that the heart can believe the truth, but it
can also believe lies.
When our
heart believes a lie: This is when we start to have irrational feelings
that lead to irrational actions. If I believe the lie that I’m not worth
loving, then I will reject the love others give me. If I believe the lie that I
am worthless, then I will not strive to amount to anything beyond a mediocre
performance—or I will become an overachiever who will never be satisfied.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we believe lies. Some of them we don’t even
realize we believe because we have ignored the heart for so long.
How to find
the lies: This is where the mind comes in. Imagine the heart as a
jigsaw puzzle that has been dumped on the floor. It will take time and patience to sort out the pieces and
think back on our experiences and history of behavior and patterns of emotions.
When did I start having anger towards my father? When did I start resenting my
wife? When did I first experience
these type of emotions? You may have to travel far back in time to get to the
root of when these irrational feelings started, back to simple moments as a
child when understanding things was difficult and self-worth and confidence
were small and vulnerable.
How to
believe the truth: Once we find the root of our lies, our minds must
present the truth to the heart. Ideally, the heart will relinquish the lie and
latch onto the truth, repairing its belief system. There are different ways to
do this. As a Christian, I often pray to God about clarity, but the truth can
be presented many ways in life, in movies, in books and TV shows, through wise
friends, kind strangers, anything that reminds us of what is true. The trick is
not to ignore our hearts, but rather give it the attention it needs to learn
and mature, and after a while that two-year-old toddler begins to grow up so
that when the next crisis comes, we aren’t rolling on the floor flailing and
crying and cursing the store clerks for taking away our candy bar.
